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Quotes Home |
| The more I learn about the Internet, the more amazed I am that it works at all. |
| According to my calculations, this problem doesn't exist. |
| Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive. |
| 96.37% of the people who use statistics in arguments make them up. |
| Entropy isn't what it used to be. |
| The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. |
| Conclusion /nm./: the place where you got tired of thinking. |
| Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous? |
| You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting
the absurd |
| Ah well, they say its not as bad as they say it is. |
| I wouldn't be paranoid if everyone didn't pick on me. |
| Anyone who isn't confused here doesn't really know what's going on. |
| A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs. |
| Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines |
| Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. |
| I try to avoid using Microsoft. That's why I use MS-DOS. (a message board of a local BBS) |
| For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like. (Abraham Lincoln) |
| The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one. (Albert Einstein) |
| Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. (Albert Einstein) |
| The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. (Albert Einstein) |
| Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness? (Artemus Ward) |
| My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot. (Ashleigh Brilliant) |
| Is there life before death? (Belfast Graffito) |
| I must follow the people. Am I not their leader? (Benjamin Disraeli) |
| They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. (Benjamin Franklin) |
| When large numbers of men are unable to find work, unemployment results. (Calvin Coolidge) |
| Does Windows 98 support Linux? (Computer Stupidities) |
| How much do Windows cost, and do you have to buy each one separately? (Computer Stupidities) |
| I was calling to sign up with a new DSL provider. When the guy asked what operating system I was using, I said, "Linux." I was put on hold for five minutes, and then a supervisor came back and told me, "You can't use Linux to connect to the Internet. It's a hacker tool, anyway." I almost fell out of my chair. (Computer Stupidities) |
| My father likes to delete things from the Windows System directory because he's convinced that's where the swap file lurks. I have to reinstall Windows 95 almost every day. (Computer Stupidities) |
| Customer: "File manager? What's that?"
Tech Support: "How long have you had your computer?"
Customer: "Three years." (Computer Stupidities) |
| UNIX was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that would also stop you from doing clever things. (Doug Gwyn) |
| In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. (Douglas Adams) |
| There is an art... to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. (Douglas Adams) |
| We're from the FBI. We don't have a sense of humor that we know of. (FBI spokesman) |
| A scientist can discover a new star, but he cannot make one. He would have to ask an engineer to do that. (Gordon L. Glegg) |
| Look behind you, a three-headed monkey! (Guybrush Threepwood) |
| Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. (Henry David Thoreau) |
| Never do today what could be done tomorrow (Hitch-Hikers Guide To The Galaxy) |
| It always takes longer than you think even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account. (Hofstadter's Law) |
| Shut up, be happy. The conveniences you demanded are now mandatory. (Jello Biafra) |
| You're not drunk when you can lie on the floor without holding on. (Joe E Lewis) |
| It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. (Mark Twain) |
| You know it's Unix when the backspace key often performs an
action other than deleting the character to the left of the
cursor (Mark Tyndall) |
| Things get worse under pressure. (Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics.) |
| Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think. (Niels Bohr) |
| The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. (Paul Valery) |
| Engineer [Def]: A person who can do for a penny what any fool can do for a pound (Peter Greenhalgh) |
| Often it is fatal to live too long. (Racine) |
| I may be paranoid, but not an android (Radiohead) |
| There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad. (Salvador Dali) |
| A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff nature replaces it with. (Tennessee Williams) |
| Sex toys rock (unamerican.com) |
| My dad's a cop too, can you let me go now? (unamerican.com) |